Thursday, October 24, 2013

My New Normal

Endang Pratiknjo
8.14.1966 - 9.10.2013

It still feels like a dream sometimes. It still feels like she's just on vacation. It still feels like she's gonna walk through that door any moment now. But then I wake up  go home  realize that she's not here and she's not coming.

She was a businesswoman, a friend, a wife, a mother, my mother, my momager, but most importantly, she was my best friend. We would have our little mother-daughter days and go see movies, eat, and talk about school and boys, and I told her everything going on in my life. We'd get her Starbucks coffee, which she needed every single day: tall and black with room for cream. She wold accompany me on my trips to Hollywood. She would take pictures and videos of my performances, and then I would get mad because she was so shaky with her videos or she didn't take the picture the right way...and of course it mattered because I always wanted to have a great Instagram photo. We would fight about my outfits because wanted me to look like a little kid and I wanted to look like a grown woman. And I would get so frustrated and mad because she would call me and text me constantly and then get mad when I didn't reply her texts within the half hour or didn't pick up her excessive phone calls. But there isn't a day that goes by now when I wish she texted me and called me constantly - even when she was downstairs and I was upstairs-, when I wish she would tell me what to wear, or when I wish she would take really bad photos of me.

I definitely thought I would be planning a wedding with her before I planned a memorial for her. We had always said that when I get married, she would be living right next door. Of course, I would always object and say she had to live a minimum of a block away. And when I had kids, she said she would come babysit, she would be their agent, and she would do my family's taxes. But plans never really work out the way they're supposed to...All I know is that I plan on going through with all the plans we made together in school and in my career...and in my love life. She was an aggressive, ambitious, intelligent, and beautiful woman, and I hope to become at least half the woman she was. I know that she will be with me every step of the way to help me and guide me, and I will do everything in my power to make our dreams come true.

1 comment:

  1. So sorry to hear about your mom. Prayers to you and your family. She is with you in spirit and watching you from above. Stay strong, Meeghan.